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  • Writer's pictureLauren Pecaut

How to Change People (according to Eva)

We are not able to change all of the things we wish we could. We cannot change the people around us. We may not always be able to bring people see things the way we see them. These are just truths.

Unless of course you are Eva. If you are Eva you just take matters into your own, oh so sweet, hands. For a few weeks Eva was very vocal about her disapproval of Ella having long nails. I don’t know why exactly she did not like them but she was very clear that the nails made her cringe. For the weeks that Ella had the long nails there were debates as to whether they were useful or just plain gross. It was amusing to watch but I could tell Eva was moving on from debating to plotting. At dinner one night Eva loudly told us all the best part of her day was knowing that Ella’s nails would no longer be a problem. (It should be noted they were not actually a problem). We all froze. Ella held up her hands and her nails were cut down to the tips of her fingers. I looked at Eva and saw that she was very pleased with herself. She proudly and flippantly said “I cut them while she was sleeping”. You guys. While she was sleeping. She realized her approach in conversation was not working so she just did it herself. She saw something she wanted to change about someone else and she got it done. I do not recommend this approach. The world is not your sister and most people would not be as gracious as Ella.

The reality is, some things are in the control of others and no amount of midnight nail trimming can change that. I think that is one of the more frustrating things about the child welfare system. There are so many things that should be noted and considered and reported about the kids and their wellbeing but they simply aren’t. Many times what is in the best interest of the kids seems to take a backseat to the policies and metrics of the players in the system. While the fight is on to make the kids the main focus of the child welfare system, there are things that we are hearing and experiencing and learning that are just sad. We might not be able to change everyone. We might not be able to change the decisions that have been made up to this point. However, we can continue to speak up and speak out for the kids that need our voice the most. We can show up for foster families and love on the kids that are in the messy middle of the system. We can do our part to be the change the system so badly needs.

I just heard Eva say that Ella needs to shave. For the love. I guess I'll be hiding razors for the next while.

Working to be the change (maybe not using the Eva method),


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